I was wondering if anyone has any creative ideas for my problem: I had been an over-eater (and under-exerciser) for >15 years. I noticed that, much like an alcoholic, there were certain environments/situations in which I didn't have the self control to not pig out (for example, on the couch after the kids go to sleep). So, last October I made a commitment to entirely avoid the couch at night, and to row 40-60 minutes most nights during my "time of temptation". Wouldn't you know I've lost 50 lbs (258>208) in 4.5 months? I love how I look and feel, and figure as long as I keep healthy habits, there's no knowing where I'll end up.
Here's the problem: I just got back from a weekend at the in-laws. Very obese family, lots of food (and lots of it bad), lots of deserts, lots of sitting around the table for hours talking (and then nibbling the whole time). It was like taking a recovered alcoholic and locking him in a bar overnight. Of course there's all this psychological garbage about eating (on top of all the usual psychological stuff with mothers- and sons-in-law). It was so horrible, that even after a 12 hour car trip home, I rushed to my erg in hopes of undoing some of the damage.
What can I do next trip to only eat a proper amount of healthy (-er) food without causing tons of family strife or avoiding the family all together? Has anyone else figured out what to do when everyone around you is engorging themselves and you're trying desperately to avoid doing the same?
Avoid overeating at the in-laws: HELP
First: big, big props to you for the 50lb loss! That's impressive.
Assuming you can't feign illness to avoid the next in-law trip, here are a few things to consider trying:
- Pack your own larder of good-for-you snacks that you can nosh on (discreetly if need be) to ward off bad-food temptation
- On the same note, but more generous: whip up a batch or two of healthy treats to take along and share
- Take along a pair of walking shoes and carve out some time for walks, even if they're only short ones
- Cultivate a smug (though invisible) sense of superiority to wallow in as you watch the in-laws gorge while you quietly refrain
And, most important, if those ideas don't help: don't worry about it. A few days off the wagon isn't the end of the world — especially if you come away with a renewed sense of dedication to your new lifestyle!
Assuming you can't feign illness to avoid the next in-law trip, here are a few things to consider trying:
- Pack your own larder of good-for-you snacks that you can nosh on (discreetly if need be) to ward off bad-food temptation
- On the same note, but more generous: whip up a batch or two of healthy treats to take along and share
- Take along a pair of walking shoes and carve out some time for walks, even if they're only short ones
- Cultivate a smug (though invisible) sense of superiority to wallow in as you watch the in-laws gorge while you quietly refrain
And, most important, if those ideas don't help: don't worry about it. A few days off the wagon isn't the end of the world — especially if you come away with a renewed sense of dedication to your new lifestyle!
Thanks so far ...
to both of you. Great ideas! There ought to be some way to squeeze the erg in the van, so that'll help me burn some cals on the spot (and escape into a workout and my iPod when things get tense). The idea of bringing some filling, healthy, and low-cal snacks for the group is also fantastic. Even if no one wants to share, I can nibble at what I've contributed to the table instead of the pile of brownies and buckets of ice cream.
Other contributors will be appreciated, but you two have given me hope!
Thanks a ton!
Tom
Other contributors will be appreciated, but you two have given me hope!
Thanks a ton!
Tom
The ideas you've been given so far sound great! Let me add another couple of thoughts. I, too, have a family where sitting around the table talking and "picking" at treats is the usual post-meal afternoon activity.
First idea. Consider taking something with you to occupy your hands (it needs to be something you can do, and still participate in the conversation). Essentially, something mindless to keep your hands occupied. Knitting or needlework come to mind. Either would be acceptable in my family, as long as you participated in the conversation. If you're doing something with your hands, you're less likely to be picking up a cookie!
The second thought is simply to stretch out the time it takes you to consume each treat. Relish each small, teeny, tiny bite...and in between, just to make sure you've enjoyed, drink coffee or water, lots of it! If they comment, just say that it's so good that you're determined to savor it, as you want it to last a long time...you don't want to take another and deprive someone of their "share." That way you will have complimented the "treat" and explained why you are eating it so slowly. Combining that w/ the handwork should at least cut down on the calories consumed there. But I think you simply need to acknowledge to yourself that it's not going to be like it is at home. You're going to end up eating more. But you don't live there (so you don't eat like this all the time), this your family (so you don't want to insult their cooking) and you will be going there for a long time!
Third, does any particular food "bother you"? Enough that you think you might have a food intolerance? That you can only eat so much or you will have digestive issues? Note that I don't reccomend this approach unless you have an actual intolerance, since you will need to be consistent over the years both at their home (when you visit them) and at yours (when they--or anyone who learns of your "food intolerance" visits you).
Good luck!
Alissa
First idea. Consider taking something with you to occupy your hands (it needs to be something you can do, and still participate in the conversation). Essentially, something mindless to keep your hands occupied. Knitting or needlework come to mind. Either would be acceptable in my family, as long as you participated in the conversation. If you're doing something with your hands, you're less likely to be picking up a cookie!
The second thought is simply to stretch out the time it takes you to consume each treat. Relish each small, teeny, tiny bite...and in between, just to make sure you've enjoyed, drink coffee or water, lots of it! If they comment, just say that it's so good that you're determined to savor it, as you want it to last a long time...you don't want to take another and deprive someone of their "share." That way you will have complimented the "treat" and explained why you are eating it so slowly. Combining that w/ the handwork should at least cut down on the calories consumed there. But I think you simply need to acknowledge to yourself that it's not going to be like it is at home. You're going to end up eating more. But you don't live there (so you don't eat like this all the time), this your family (so you don't want to insult their cooking) and you will be going there for a long time!
Third, does any particular food "bother you"? Enough that you think you might have a food intolerance? That you can only eat so much or you will have digestive issues? Note that I don't reccomend this approach unless you have an actual intolerance, since you will need to be consistent over the years both at their home (when you visit them) and at yours (when they--or anyone who learns of your "food intolerance" visits you).
Good luck!
Alissa
I'm curious... The in-laws must have noticed that you had lost quite a bit of weight. What was their reaction? Did they treat you any different than usual food-wise?
I am from a family of skinny people and fat people. The skinny tend to become fat at about age 40. When someone loses weight, everyone is fairly open about it. While there is plenty of food temptation, it is fairly easy to let everyone know that you have no intention of eating very much. The older skinnys are a positive role model for the younger skinnys and skinny-agains, just as the older fats are a negative role model for the younger fats and soon-to-be-fats.
That said, I tend to eat plenty at family events, knowing that it is only for a few days and that it won't do any real damage.
I am from a family of skinny people and fat people. The skinny tend to become fat at about age 40. When someone loses weight, everyone is fairly open about it. While there is plenty of food temptation, it is fairly easy to let everyone know that you have no intention of eating very much. The older skinnys are a positive role model for the younger skinnys and skinny-agains, just as the older fats are a negative role model for the younger fats and soon-to-be-fats.
That said, I tend to eat plenty at family events, knowing that it is only for a few days and that it won't do any real damage.
Thanks again for the continued input.
My weight loss was noticed, but when I commented towards the end of the trip that I ate more than usual for the last few days, my mother-in-law said "No one put a gun to your head!" Unfortunately, I am the only semi-fit one in the family right now (besides my two young boys).
I will try all of your suggestions, and try not to fret if I slip a bit for a few days. It did motivate me this week to get back to good habits!
My sons (who are 6 and 9) also suggested that we split desserts (i.e., that they would say "Dad, can I have half of that?" each time something bad goes on my plate. Since they are quite thin, active, calorie-furnaces (and they row too), hopefully this will help (as long as they don't develop bad habits like I did in my late 20's).
My weight loss was noticed, but when I commented towards the end of the trip that I ate more than usual for the last few days, my mother-in-law said "No one put a gun to your head!" Unfortunately, I am the only semi-fit one in the family right now (besides my two young boys).
I will try all of your suggestions, and try not to fret if I slip a bit for a few days. It did motivate me this week to get back to good habits!
My sons (who are 6 and 9) also suggested that we split desserts (i.e., that they would say "Dad, can I have half of that?" each time something bad goes on my plate. Since they are quite thin, active, calorie-furnaces (and they row too), hopefully this will help (as long as they don't develop bad habits like I did in my late 20's).
Like you, I row at night while watching TV. I eat less at dinner if I plan to row, so it helps there, and it does reduce sitting around snacking at night quite a bit (I admit that I will I still snack after I row).
Last fall, when I dieting to lose weight to get to lightweight, I took the erg in the van to the in-laws for Thanksgiving. I am sure they thought I was weird, but let me set it up in the basement and row. I wanted to have pie (both kinds), and felt I had to earn that with an hour row. So if that is possible, I think that would help a lot. Otherwise walking shoes and walks can help.
I would also drink 0 calories. In social situations, the beverages can really add up, so discipline there can cut 3-500 calories right off the top.
Last fall, when I dieting to lose weight to get to lightweight, I took the erg in the van to the in-laws for Thanksgiving. I am sure they thought I was weird, but let me set it up in the basement and row. I wanted to have pie (both kinds), and felt I had to earn that with an hour row. So if that is possible, I think that would help a lot. Otherwise walking shoes and walks can help.
I would also drink 0 calories. In social situations, the beverages can really add up, so discipline there can cut 3-500 calories right off the top.
M 51 5'9'' (1.75m), a once and future lightweight
Old PBs 500m-1:33.9 1K-3:18.6 2K-6:55.4 5K-18:17.6 10K-38:10.5 HM-1:24:00.1 FM-3:07.13
Old PBs 500m-1:33.9 1K-3:18.6 2K-6:55.4 5K-18:17.6 10K-38:10.5 HM-1:24:00.1 FM-3:07.13
Excellent suggestion, michaelb! (drink 0 calories) I've known for a long time that bottled water is the healthier & cal-free alternative to pop. My problem is, I just don't like drinking bottled water (Ok, I'm probably a "health drop-out" for that one!) I also don't like diet pop or most of the flavored waters I've tried (Peach water? yuk)
We drink this: www.lacroixwater.com
It's a lightly carbonated water w/natural citrus flavors in a 12oz can. Comes out of Warren Michigan & we buy it at Meijer stores. My wife likes orange, I like lemon. Also comes lime (good) and berry (haven't tried.) Zero cal, zero carb, zero salt, zero anything. Cost is same a pop. We take it with us, you might like it too!
We drink this: www.lacroixwater.com
It's a lightly carbonated water w/natural citrus flavors in a 12oz can. Comes out of Warren Michigan & we buy it at Meijer stores. My wife likes orange, I like lemon. Also comes lime (good) and berry (haven't tried.) Zero cal, zero carb, zero salt, zero anything. Cost is same a pop. We take it with us, you might like it too!
tbartman,
I've never been more then 5 lbs over race weight in life (10 years of serious racing and 25 and of on-and-off compition) and I have trouble not eating when I'm in a similar situation! So don't feel bad about one weekend.
What I have noticed is that most people can loose weight but they have trouble maintaining it. Maintaining a long view really helps. If you come home and work out a bit more and don't eat too much once your home you've done fine and have absolutely nothing to worry about.
In addition to the other suggestions, you may also try doing more erging before you leave. If you know you've already burned some extra calories, you will not feel as bad if you do eat more then you want.
I've never been more then 5 lbs over race weight in life (10 years of serious racing and 25 and of on-and-off compition) and I have trouble not eating when I'm in a similar situation! So don't feel bad about one weekend.
What I have noticed is that most people can loose weight but they have trouble maintaining it. Maintaining a long view really helps. If you come home and work out a bit more and don't eat too much once your home you've done fine and have absolutely nothing to worry about.
In addition to the other suggestions, you may also try doing more erging before you leave. If you know you've already burned some extra calories, you will not feel as bad if you do eat more then you want.
Everyone has been so great. It is wonderful being part of such a supportive community even though I have never met any of you!
I will try the tricks that people have proposed, and also try not to beat myself up too much for slipping on a rare weekend! As a few of you said, I lost some ground, but picked it right back up once I was in my own, controllable, environment.
I'm turning 40 this summer, but within the next week or two should go below 200 lbs for the first time since college. Thanks for your support. You've made a difference by offering me some of your time and thoughts!
Tom Bartman
I will try the tricks that people have proposed, and also try not to beat myself up too much for slipping on a rare weekend! As a few of you said, I lost some ground, but picked it right back up once I was in my own, controllable, environment.
I'm turning 40 this summer, but within the next week or two should go below 200 lbs for the first time since college. Thanks for your support. You've made a difference by offering me some of your time and thoughts!
Tom Bartman
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I don't know ...I don't buy into the tricks to avoid eating food while trying to keep people from noticing. I have the same issues with my family, and I have found that it is much less stress if you are up front about your weight, and what you want and don't want to eat.
I am normal weight and have several overweight people in the family who tell me I'm too thin, or whisper about me having an eating disorder if I pass on the cheesy potatoes and dessert. I know that isn't true, and I know I'm the healthiest person in the family. And I don't mind telling them so.
They have gotten used to me bringing my own food with me, and even sometimes tell me the menu ahead of time, so I can be prepared.
Stand your ground and don't worry about what they say
I am normal weight and have several overweight people in the family who tell me I'm too thin, or whisper about me having an eating disorder if I pass on the cheesy potatoes and dessert. I know that isn't true, and I know I'm the healthiest person in the family. And I don't mind telling them so.
They have gotten used to me bringing my own food with me, and even sometimes tell me the menu ahead of time, so I can be prepared.
Stand your ground and don't worry about what they say